As a parent in Somalia, Aisha knew all too well the cycle of punishment passed down from generation to generation. Just like most children in Somalia, Aisha grew up in a household where spanking and scolding were the norms, and it was the only way she knew how to discipline her children. But after years of seeing her children cower in fear and struggle with their self-esteem, Aisha knew she needed to make a change.
“I thought spanking and scolding were the only way to discipline my children. It’s how I was raised and what I saw around me.” Said Aisha, who is a mother of eight children living in Puntland.
Like Aisha, most parents in Somalia believe that physical punishment is the only way to teach children right from wrong and to prevent children from engaging in harmful or dangerous behaviour.
Ahmed*, a father raising four children – two of his own and two nephews – expressed how he firmly believed punishment and a tough tone were the keys to the correct parenting style. He explained, “As a Somali, our culture has always considered children not wise enough to figure out right from wrong. So unless they are guided firmly or punished, they won’t learn. And on the other hand, as a parent, we model raising our kids on how we were raised and how everyone in our surrounding environment is raising theirs, so roughing children up to set them on the right path have been what we’ve always known as a community.”
Physical punishment is also prevalent for teachers. For example, Shukri, a mother and primary school teacher, said she sometimes resorted to verbal punishment to discipline her children and students when they misbehaved. She stated, “As a teacher, I used to punish my students verbally when they misbehaved, thinking it would teach them a lesson. But, unfortunately, it is very common for teachers and parents to do that, and it did not seem it would have much influence on children’s long-term physical and mental well-being.
As a result of this parenting style, children tend to fear their parents or caregivers and cannot share their worries, experiences, and concerns with them. However, Save the Children is implementing a training programme that aims to prevent children from experiencing physical and humiliating punishment in the home— the training programme is known as The Parenting without Violence (PwV) common approach and is part of a series of approaches that Save the Children uses to advances children’s rights.
Through the parenting without violence model, fathers, mothers and caregivers become aware of the importance of child development, child rights, and positive parenting; partner and parent-child relationships are strengthened based on principles of non-violence, non-discrimination, and gender equality; and girls and boys are empowered to express their views and feelings in the home, and to seek help when they feel unsafe.
After attending the programme, participants noticed an improvement in their parenting style. Ahmed acknowledged that his children preferred spending all their free time away from their home to avoid being punished or scolded, “when punishment and harsh words were my only solution whenever my children did something wrong, it made them fear me, and they would spend hours away from home to avoid me or spite me. And I would get mad at them again. It was a vicious and tiring cycle we had.”
Ahmed attended group sessions organised for fathers, mothers and caregivers in the community to help increase their knowledge about children’s rights and positive parenting. As a result, participants become more aware of the importance of giving children a voice in family decision-making processes.
“During the training, we learned that children can recognize right from wrong, and gently directing them towards good or positive behaviors is a core principle of parenting. In addition, we learned that involving them in decisions that affect their lives and treating them like an equal rather than a subordinate could make a big difference to how they behave,” he explained.
“I realized that how I was parenting my children was not the right approach; now, I use positive reinforcement and praise them for their good behaviour. I also involve them in decision-making, which has made them more responsible and respectful toward others. As a result, I have noticed a significant change in their behaviour, and they are more engaged and motivated in learning.”
Also, children like Ansal*, the daughter of Aisha, are no longer worried about physical punishment. As a result, the prevalence of physical and humiliating punishment has significantly decreased in their community, Ahmed, a father participating in positive parenting sessions in Puntland, said.
Aisha agrees that the knowledge and information she received from the programme sessions have changed her behaviour toward her children.
“After attending the workshops and raising awareness, I realized there are better ways to discipline children without violence. Now, I use positive reinforcement and open communication to correct their behaviour, and I have noticed a significant change in it. They are more confident, happy, and respectful towards me, themselves and others,” Aisha says.
In some sessions, children and parents come together to empower children and ensure they can feel valued, respected and safe within their communities. For example, Aisha joins her daughter, Ansal*, at the school to connect with her teachers and other children to promote positive parenting and the importance of protecting children’s rights. The positive change in Aisha’s behaviour toward her children has benefitted Ansal, an eight-year-old daughter of Aisha. Ansal has noticed a turn-around from her teacher, Shukri and her mother, Aisha’s approach to treating children.
“Our teachers and parents don’t beat us; they teach us positive behaviour. After attending training on parenting styles, my mother also became very friendly.
“I used to feel scared talking to my mom and dad. I used to worry about anything that might get me into trouble because I thought they would punish me for it, which made me even more scared! So sometimes, I would keep things to myself even if I wanted to share them with my parents,” says Ansal*.
